Mar 13, 2013

Living with cancer...

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera...
This entry might reveal the real life of me and my family.
Just read the title, you might guess what it is.
So, let's begin with the real life of me who live with a cancer person which is my own beloved Ayah.
Survive with lung cancer...

My Ayah is not a smoker (like people always ask Ayah that statement) and something might trigger his cancer.
Started with heavy coughing and luckily detected earlier.
After I graduated on June 2012, went back home and that is the beginning of everything.
I still remember that a day before my convocation day, having my photoshoot with Cik Nad, and accompanied by my younger brother and sister, received this kind of news, makes the world suddenly frozen.
To tell the truth, I can't react normally.
Might be due to my 4 years as a counselling student; jadi hati batu barangkali.

Then, the event of my engagement day.
Aware of these kind of mix feelings; happy + sad + negatives feelings.
Ayah just said, 'Teruskan pertunangan ni. Nak tunggu ayah, belum tentu bila ayah boleh sihat.'
Alhamdulillah everything runs smoothly...

Along these 6 months, he started to walk with tongkat, done his kimo (12 pusingan dan minggu lepas yang terakhir), emotionally unstable, rambut gugur sikit, his appetite sometimes good and sometimes become less and many things has changes...
Even though all these changes is changing him, but he always be positives.
That is my Ayah.
Always believe in that.

Back to the early of 2012, when I did my internship.
One of my client had leukemia...
I managed to handle the case but then...
Diduga oleh Nya kepada diri sendiri.
How am I going to handle my own issue which have similarities?

Living with cancer is something couldn't be simply put a proper word in it.
To tell the truth, I'm hati batu.
By hook and crook I have to face it.
Sometimes I don't know how to help him.
Most of the time I help my Ibu because she's the one who handle everything.
And once Ibu said to me, 'Awak tak ada hati ke nak tanya Ayah okay ke tak...'
I have the answer but I remain silent.
Biarlah jawapannya rahsia...
It is not that I didn't do anything or help but I prefer to make it secretly.
That is another side of me.

And within these 2 months ++, my wedding is very soon.
I'm happy for it but at the same time, this happiness is surrounded by sadness and mix feelings.
Mungkin Dia nak duga kami dan pada masa yang sama mengingati Dia...

And today, he meets the doctor...
Seems that Allah menduga lagi...
Mungkin hujan lagi barangkali tapi percaya yang suatu hari nanti langit akan cerah kembali...


Anonymous said...

Kak Ann... Be strong! Mmg Allah nak uji... Duagaan besar utk akk sekeluarga n insyaAllah ganjarannya pon besar. Im shocked reading ur posts but i will always pray for u, ur wedding n ur father's health. hopefully everytg run smoothly with His blessed. Nnt nak dtg wedding akk tau! sbb dekat! invite me ok.. hehehe... -ziha-

Ruzanna Rahman ~♥ said...

Thnx Ziha...jgn lupa dtg eh ^^ memang dijemput pun cuma tunggu je kad eh~ kad belum siap lagi..hehe