Journal: Final Week @SMKDE

Evening peeps~!

Pape pun, kalau nak baca, dah alang-alang tu bacalah sampai habis ye walaupun panjang. Huhu~

"Today was our last day at Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Darul Ehsan. With the mixed feelings, I was only could say it into a word; unpredictable. It is not some sort of negatives feelings to be describes, but most of it with satisfaction that I can’t describe with any suitable word. When I flash back from the first day of our practical in that school, I was about to ‘escape’ myself from that school. Many things were happened but finally until the end, my partner and I was managed to complete it. Until this moment, I feel that it is worth because I learn thousand things that I was unable to learn it by even thousands books. It gave me clear pictures about the reality as a counsellor at school.

*Maaf. Curi dengan kebenaran. Hehe~*

Even though during my practicum days always came across with many obstacle (almost every day my heart were pumping very hard as the signs that something will happen), but I was realized something that is very precious to be noted; be patient and always be positive. The major obstacle was losing my beloved grandfather during my first time celebrating Teacher’s Day as a teacher (even though just a practicum teacher / counsellor) for my whole life. I will remember it until my last breath and for me to regain my strength was a bit tough because I am in a grief situation. Since then, I learn to be always positive and try recovering or solving anything in a quick way but with calmness in it.

 My practicum days was also made me realized that I’m still lack of micro skills and unable to use fully of techniques and therapy that I am supposed to use. I used to feel down but I realized that to gain all of it, I need more time to do that. So many things that I need to prepare myself before my internship by next year. But at least I knew it earlier before it was too late for me. I feel grateful for that anyway even though it was quite tough for me to handle my own feelings. From there, I know it is ‘hard’ to be capable counsellor and to gain that, might be thousand times for me to experience it. I am half-way to end my life as a counselling students. In order to have that, I need to learn and get more experience for that.

My final week is full of sobbing and sadness due to handling my individual clients and group counselling. Most all of my clients who came with different background and story made me sinking into their own world. Perhaps, these made me more empathy and wanted so much to be with them and guiding them all the time. But unfortunately, with ethical bind and I am just an ordinary human, can’t do that to make any changes. Each of them including me, are the agents of ‘changes’ in order to have better life. They cannot run and hide but at least to solve it. It might be difficult when relates to the family members because they are unable to resolve it. The only things to solve are themselves. At least they are heading and aiming for a comfortable and bright future if they can endure it and strive for their life. We usually watch helpless and needy person in television, but in reality, we came across thousands of them. I learn for not sinking and cry together with them but endure, become a good listener and guide them into the right path.

 Finally, I will miss few magical words that I received every day when I am around at the school; ‘Assalamualaikum, Cikgu’, ‘Selamat Sejahtera, Cikgu’ and ‘Terima Kasih, Cikgu’. Those magical words made my day enlighten even I am in the mood of sad, stress, happy, and in any mood that I tried to encounter for 7 weeks. When I was in the first week, I can feel the awkwardness in receiving them but gradually I learn to love it. Sometimes some students just bow to me to show respect and still enough for me. I never skipped to reply all those magical words and even I am in a hurry, I look at them and gave a sincere smile. I love to smile even though some of them (who don’t know me very well) looked at me and put judgement that ‘I am proud, egoistic or arrogant’. By just a sincere smile, it shows warmth and acceptance from me with unconditional love."

p/s: Journal adalah part of my assignments yang berdozen-dozen. Masa mengarang journal ni, dah rasa seribu perasaan; baik negatif mahupun positif. Tapi I masih rasa suatu pengalaman yang baik untuk I belajar. For GUIDE students (junior), better prepare yourself because what you learn from books will never be the same. Don't play around because it is serious matter. Juga jangan tenggelam macam I. ngee~~